


Don't Go

by SHARKMARTINI



Category: Jake and Amir
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Breakups, Feelings, Jake/Amir - Freeform, Little bit of angst, M/M, Mentions Of Infidelity, One-Shot, non-linear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1426729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHARKMARTINI/pseuds/SHARKMARTINI
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the videos that brought them together, and the videos that tore them apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Go

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this forever ago on the Gullieship livejournal page. Thought I'd get around to posting it here in case anyone is interested. Also, be warned this is super old and done without a beta.

There are some things that can’t be fixed. Jake can’t decide if this is one of them. He knows all the devastating words- infidelity, boredom, mistrust; but he also knows how he feels. And when it comes to Amir, it’s always been the same. Watching the brunette discreetly from across their desks, Jake can feel his pulse quicken with the sharp contraction of his heart. But it doesn’t matter, Amir is still as beautiful to him as he was all those years ago, back when the thought of him wasn’t accompanied by a painful wrench in the gut. Back when the dull ache in his heart was eased by the soft caress of lips, and whispered affections during stolen moments.

 

He sighs and looks down at his keyboard, no longer in the mood to finish writing the script he’d been working on all morning. He ignores Amir’s curious glance- waiting until something else catches the brunette’s attention. Mercifully the wait isn’t long, and Jake escapes his desk quickly, making his way to the small kitchenette. He leans against the counter and sighs, glancing at the clock to confirm the hours of torture he still has in front of him. Turning around, he catches sight of a small closet the crew uses to keep Jeff’s bleep bloop equipment. 

 

***

 

“Amir.” Jake whispers reverently as Amir ghosts his lips along his jaw line. He feels Amir smile at his name on Jake’s lips, before he feels himself being pushed backwards against the door, the handle digging into the small of his back. Jake tilts his head back, offering the pale expanse of his neck to Amir’s wandering mouth, gripping fistfuls of the brunette’s t-shirt between his knuckles.

 

It’s something they’ve been doing more and more recently, and the feel of Amir’s lips on his heated skin is somewhere right between familiar and brand new. Jake somehow knows that this will never feel normal, being pressed up against the man he’s admired since his very first day at Collegehumor. There are so many feelings racing through his mind, and before he can stop himself he wonders if Amir shares the same ones. He hopes so.

 

“We need to get back, I told them I was just grabbing some stuff for rock band.” It takes Jake an entire minute to realize Amir’s lips have left his skin, and he blinks clumsily, before straightening up and smoothing out the wrinkles on his sweater. “Better be a good boy and get Jeff his videogames before he cries.” Amir snorts, “Imagine if they gave Jeff that show he’s been asking for, the one he wants to name after an onomatopoeia. I think he really would cry.” Jake smiles and tugs on the edge of Amir’s t-shirt affectionately. “All the more reason to get him his videogames.” Amir smiles and steps just out of Jake’s reach, smoothing out his own clothes, “no way! I’m not Jeff’s whipping boy.” Jake winces at the unsolicited thought that creeps into the back of his mind at the statement: ‘You’re my boy.’  
The wince doesn’t go unnoticed by Amir who stops, his hand on the doorknob. “What is it?” He asks, giving Jake a quick once over. Jake backtracks quickly, thinking a mile a minute to find an explanation. All of a sudden, it comes to him in a flash of brilliance. “I just thought of an idea for a video we could do...”

 

***

 

Jake sighs and tears his eyes away from the closet, getting himself a glass of water and trudging back towards his desk. As he sits down he’s acutely aware of Amir’s eyes on him, and wonders if he’s been watching him since he left his desk. It takes everything in him to avoid making eye contact with the brunette, and instead turns to his computer and types up a bunch of gibberish, trying to look occupied.  
“Jake.” The sound almost stops his heart. It sounds so different now than it used to, whispered into his skin late at night, almost lost in the rustle of bed sheets. He forces himself to look up and pay attention to Amir, who is holding a piece of paper and chewing on the end of a pen, Jake can see the ink leaking slowly onto his lower lip as he toys with it. “You’ve got something here.” Jake manages weakly, and waves a hand vaguely in the direction of Amir’s mouth. That sweet, perfect mouth.

 

“Oh, thanks,” Jake watches as Amir rubs at his mouth with the back of his hand before continuing, “so I was thinking since we’re moving offices soon, we could do like a two part episode. One where you tell me we’re moving and then mention that maybe you won’t have to sit in front of me, and I cry; and one where you help me pack a bunch of random stuff for the move.” Jake feels himself nod, “that sounds like a good idea, I’ll start getting some ideas together.”

 

Jake looks up a few minutes later and sees Amir watching him with an expression he can’t read. He ignores his instinct to lower his eyes and avoid the gaze, and instead stares right back. Amir takes a deep breath and opens his mouth, right on the edge of saying something, when all of a sudden his phone rings. Jake recognizes the ring tone at once- Amir’s girlfriend. He immediately drops his eyes and goes back to typing furiously on his computer, and sees Amir hesitate briefly out of the corner of his eye, before turning around in his seat and answering the call.

 

***

 

“Three hundred thousand views? This is crazy!” Jake can’t help but agree with Amir, resting his head on the brunette’s shoulder as they check up on their website. “I wouldn’t be surprised if we got up to half a million views in the next week or two.” He states, placing a quick kiss to Amir’s cheek before straightening himself up. “I got my first fan proposal today on our facebook fan page.” Jake lets out a laugh, before heading towards his bedroom, “who would want to marry you, you’re insufferable.” 

 

He turns around only to be tackled to the floor. Jake feels Amir’s warm breath across his face and tries to catch his lips with his own, only to have Amir pull back, further from his reach. “You suffer me.” He states plainly, leaning forwards again and taking the opportunity to restrain Jake’s hands against the floor. “Well I have to, don’t I? The videos wouldn’t be nearly as good if I tried to replace you with Pat Cassels.” Amir grinned and finally leaned down, Jake eagerly meeting him in the middle, lips moving gently against Amir’s. He feels Amir pull back from the kiss and opens his eyes curiously. “I guess you’re stuck with me then.” Amir whispers against his lips, before leaning down again, flattening Jake’s body against the hardwood floor with his own.

 

***

 

Jake sighs and takes his keys out, fitting them into the lock of his apartment. He opens the door slowly, and steps into the silent room, turning on the lights as he does. ‘It’s been lonely’, he thinks to himself, ‘that’s why you’ve been thinking about Amir all day.’ He opens his fridge and stares into it, not really looking. He briefly toys with the idea of going out to get something before he stops himself. He’ll probably end up at MacDonald’s, and he definitely doesn’t want to go anywhere near anything that will remind him of Amir.

 

So Jake heats up some soup and sits on the couch, flipping on the television and trying to find something to take his mind of off his brunette coworker. His phone rings- it’s one of his sisters. He thinks about answering it, and then remembers the last time they talked, telling her all about Amir, and what happened between them. “It was a bad idea from the beginning Jakey,” her voice crackled over the line, “no relationship can work when someone contributes so much more than someone else. Just because you idolize Amir doesn’t mean he feels the same way. You guys are better off like this.”

 

Jake sighs and tosses his phone down on the couch without answering it. He’s not in the mood to talk to his sister tonight. Especially considering how embarrassed he still feels after their last talk. So instead he sits in front of the TV, watching the blur of colours racing past his eyes, before he can’t take just sitting anymore, and gets up, heading to the bathroom.

 

***

 

Jake grabs the shampoo bottle and squirts a bit into his palm, before tossing it on the shower floor and running his hands through Amir’s hair. Amir hums his approval and lets his head fall back into Jake’s touch. “I expect the same thing next time I wake up completely hungover.” Jake informs him, gently massaging his scalp. Amir merely sighs and closes his eyes as Jake carefully rinses his hair, making sure not to get any of the suds in his eyes. 

 

Jake grabs the soap and starts washing Amir’s back, then turning him around. “What’s this?” He runs his finger along a red splotch on Amir’s tanned skin, near the sensitive juncture of his neck and shoulder. Amir opens an eye and looks down uninterestedly. “No idea, I was probably manhandled by a fan who desperately wanted a picture. They were pretty aggressive without you there to protect me.”  
Jake lets his hand drop from the red spot and eyes it as he goes back to washing Amir, immediately wishing he had accompanied him to the bar last night.

 

***

 

Jake crawls into bed early. He’s had a completely awful day, days when he remembers being with Amir are always the same. He feels unproductive, pathetic and lonely all at once, and rolls over to the right side of the bed, avoiding the left where Amir had always slept. Even after all this time, he hasn’t been able to sleep in the same spot without waking up and looking for the once familiar heat of Amir’s body stretched out next to him.

 

Even worse is remembering all the days they had stayed in bed, sunlight illuminating Amir’s bare skin as he cracked jokes and taunted, Jake laughing and scribbling script ideas before giving up and pushing Amir into the mattress, silencing him with his mouth. There were so many days of nothing but sunlight and skin, warm hands and cool bed sheets, but now Jake has to strain his mind to come up with those memories, hidden far away underneath all the painful ones, fresh like they happened yesterday.

 

***

 

“Is there someone else?” The second he hears himself say it, Jake winced. He sounded like such a girl. ‘Don’t be a pussy’ he told himself, but was finding it hard to stay calm. He felt the painful ache in his heart start spreading through his body and tried to keep his face impassive. A flicker of something he couldn’t place crossed Amir’s face, he seemed to be carefully picking his words. “No, but I’ve been thinking that things are a lot different now, and I don’t think we should waste any opportunities.” He says, spreading his hands out in front of him.  
Jake nods, looking down at the floor. He doesn’t agree though, he doesn’t want any new ‘opportunities’. He only wants Amir, just like he’s had for the past months. Being with someone so vibrant and exciting has showed him exactly what he wants, and the fact that there are a bunch of young girls, and even a few guys, hovering around him when they go out; recognizing him from their videos, doesn’t change that. It’s Amir that he wants, has always wanted.

 

He’s been so stupid, he should have known this was coming. It was so easy to lose himself in his adoration of Amir-hilarious, talented and fascinating- that he sometimes forgot that he didn’t necessarily feel the same way. And now Jake was being shown proof of that discrepancy. “You’re right.” He says slowly, hearing the words come out of his mouth, but he couldn’t be further away from believing them. He sees Amir nod, before turning around and opening the front door. “I guess I’ll see you on Monday.” He tries, before walking out and shutting the door with a soft snap behind him. Jake doesn’t lock the door, but it stays closed until he gets up and leaves for work on Monday.

 

***

 

The ringing phone wakes Jake up from his fitful sleep. He considers ignoring it, but then glances at his clock, 3:17 am, and decides that no one would be calling this late unless it was important. He turns over and picks his phone up, pressing talk and muttering sleepily, “Hello?”  
The other end is silent except for the slight crackling of static, but then so softly he almost doesn’t hear it, “Hi.” Immediately Jake sits straight up in bed, no longer half asleep. He pulls the phone away from his ear and checks the screen, just to make sure it’s really who he thinks it is. He brings the phone back up to his ear and feels his heart beating much faster than usual. “Hi” Amir says again, this time louder and Jake hears for the first time a slight waver in his voice.

 

“Amir.” Jake can’t keep the surprise out of his voice, his brain working overtime trying to figure out why Amir was calling. Their relationship over the past year had been lukewarm at the best of times, but Amir hasn’t called him since before they stopped seeing each other, especially so late at night. The silence on the other end grows deafening before Amir starts up again. “I don’t know why I’m calling.” He hears him sigh slowly into the receiver. “Okay.” Jake says, even though it isn’t. It hasn’t been okay between them for a long time now, and it’s all Amir’s fault. He shouldn’t be calling at this hour, or any hour.

 

“How have you been?” Amir’s voice shakes more than ever, and Jake’s anger melts away as quickly as it had formed. It was still Amir, his Amir, calling. He couldn’t stay mad at him. Hadn’t this been everything he’d been hoping for for the past year? “I’ve been good,” Jake exaggerates, not wanting to alert Amir to his pathetic behaviour of late. “That’s good.” The silence between them is heavy, and even though neither one of them addresses it, Jake knows that he isn’t the only one feeling it.

 

Jake bites on his lower lip and thinks. This is the opportunity he’s been waiting for. If he lets this one go, he might not get another chance. He’s nervous, and scared, but gathers together all of his courage for one last fight. “Amir.” His voice is stronger than he thought it would be, and the strength steadies him, pushing him to continue, “I miss you.” He hears the hitch in Amir’s breathing, and wonders what it means, as the silence stretches out between them, his words hanging in the air. 

 

The silence is so long that Jake can’t help but wonder if he’s scared Amir off, bringing up for the first time in a year the relationship they used to have. He can still hear Amir’s breathing on the other end of the line, and wonders what he’s thinking. He doesn’t have a lot of time to try and guess, because the next thing he knows, Amir lets it all out in one breath, everything he’s been hoping to hear, lonely and heartbroken in his apartment. “I miss you too.”


End file.
